


I Almost Do

by Smoltzmann



Category: Ghostbusters
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-06
Updated: 2016-10-08
Packaged: 2018-08-19 21:28:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8225314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smoltzmann/pseuds/Smoltzmann
Summary: 20/02/2017. Erin leftThat was the day everything fell apart. She didn't want to leave, not after she had finally gotten her best friend Abby back, and even more. This is Erin's PoV from my other fic 'Last Kiss'





	1. Chapter 1

20/02/2017. Erin left

That was the day everything fell apart. She didn't want to leave, not after she had finally gotten her best friend Abby back, and even more. She had a family now. But when the phone rang on that faithful January 25th she had an offer she just couldn't refuse. And after many weeks toying with the idea of being able to teach freely she took it. Even though the job was in England, and it meant leaving everything and everyone Erin had ever loved behind. It was probably for the best, after all everyone 'ghost girl' had ever known turned against her eventually. Breaking it to the team the day before her flight, to Holtzmann was the single hardest thing Gilbert had ever had to do in her life. Even harder than saving Abby from the abyss Rowan had dragged her down into and when that day came she felt a deep sadness inside her, watching as the blonde crumpled when she told them. It was as though it had come down on Jillian like a sack of bricks. And that was the last time she saw them. She boarded her flight to England and left behind everything.

The gangly brunette drummed her forefinger onto the counter of the coffee shop. She had been waiting at the till for five minutes while the baristas chatted between themselves about their new manicures and from what Erin could hear where the best place is to get a perm. Biting her lip and lightly sighing Erin glared at the ceiling. How hard was it to get a coffee in England at 7pm. She had only been in London for a few days, and already she was getting mixed feelings about the place. She missed her friends dreadfully, and most of all she missed Holtzmann. Her and the engineer had gotten so close since they saved New York, they'd even moved in together in a small apartment close to the fire station. And leaving her was the hardest thing she had ever done in her life. She had been fighting back tears every time she had laid eyes on her since the job offer, because in all honesty she had never loved anyone as much as she had loved Jillian. Not being able to wake up next to her, or watch her laugh was slowly ripping Erin to shreds, but she couldn't contact her. It wouldn't be good for either of them. "Hello m'am what can I get you today?"'A barista had finally positioned herself on the till again. Erin had to stop herself from muttering a sarky 'finally' and instead stood upright and let out an awkward smile "Just an Americano please". The barista smiled and put it through the till.   
"That'll be £2 please m'am" the barista extended her hand. Erin dug into her pocket and handed the girl a £5 note. Briefly glancing at the girls name tag her heart dropped a little. In bold letters it read 'Jill', and Erin's mind instantly snapped back to the woman she once, and still did love. Frowning slightly she averted her gaze, her fingers fumbling to tug at the end of her hair. Only Erin could call Jillian that name. The others weren't allowed to, and Holtz had made sure they'd all knew that. 'She'll find someone else...' She thought bitterly. 'Someone she deserves...' The barista handed her the £3 change before popping off to make her coffee. 

Taking a seat in the corner of the cafe she reached into her bag and took out her laptop, unfolded it and placed it on the table. Turning it on she logged onto her user account and checked her jobs emails. Erin was still sort of jet lagged, so her sleeping habits had gone completely out of the window and well, she'd had many sleepless coffee fuelled nights. There was no important emails she had to reply to, just a few students with simple questions. "Americano?" A voice called out from the till, making Erin look up. She lifted her hands up and make finger guns at the barista so she knew where she was sitting, a small awkward smile flushing over her face. The woman obviously noticed because she brought the mug over to Erin in the corner and placed it on the table. "Enjoy" She said before scurrying off to hide behind the counter. Erin's hands cupped the mug, the warmth flooding over them she briefly closed her eyes and let out a small smile. England was a lot colder than America so Erin had found herself wrapping up a lot more. Taking a sip of the caffeinated beverage Erin entwined her fingers together and cracked them, before getting on with writing her next lecture. 

"M'am we're closing now"  
Erin glanced up from behind her computer screen. She had just finished her sixth cup of coffee, and was just finishing off the final slide on next weeks PowerPoint lecture. "Ah yes okay I'll leave now. Thankyou" She nodded standing up and closing the laptop, checking her watch in the process. 11pm. "Shit" Erin whispered to herself as she packed away her laptop and put her coat on. She'd stayed for longer than she wanted to, but she could still make it for the last bus. Rushing out the door Erin gave an awkward wave to the staff, her eyes drifting towards Jill. '11pm. I bet this time of night you're still up...' Erin thought, her beloved now ex girlfriend drifted through her mind again. 'If you are you'd be tired from a long hard week...' Now the ghostbusters had become well known they were getting all sorts of phone calls from suspected metaphysical entities. Erin felt bad she had left them one person down at quite possibly one of their busiest times. Walking down the dimly lit street Erin waited patiently at the bus stop with nothing but herself and her thoughts. Gazing down the road at the almost dead street Erin sighed, wishing she was back home. Because home after all is where the heart it, and Erin's heart was with Jillian. 'I bet you're sitting in the chair by the window...looking out at the city' Erin thought, her eyes drifting down to the pavement. 'And I bet. Or well, I hope sometimes you wonder about me.'

Erin bit her lip gingerly. Lifting her head up  
As she heard a bus' engine she hopped on when it had come to a stop and took a seat on the bottom deck near the back. The bus smelt of stale urine, but it was no worse than the subway she used to take as a child in Michigan. Resting her forehead on the bus window Erin watched as she manoeuvred through the city of London until it was finally her stop. Pressing the button and getting off she reached inside her bag for her phone. 'Maybe I should call her...' She thought, her fingers fiddling with the home button on her screen. It was taking every ounce of Erin's self restraint not to call the engineer. She almost did. Getting off the bus she had a short five minute walk until she reached her flat. Her 'home' in England. She wished for nothing more than to unlock the door and be enveloped into a hug from Holtz. She wished for nothing more than to run into her open arms. But they were worlds apart now. 'I hope you know every time I don't call you...I almost do..' She thought unlocking the door and looking at her phone again before making her way to bed.


	2. Chapter 2

The ringing of Erin's alarm clock woke her up with a jolt. Her fingers fumbled around on the clock until she managed to hit the button to turn it off. Groaning and rubbing her eyes Erin clumsily climbed out of bed, and walked barefoot into the bathroom. It was the third week since she had left all of her friends now, and she had managed to keep in touch with Abby and Patty, but she daren't speak to Holtzmann for her own sake. Cleaning her teeth she studied herself in the bathroom mirror, she had bags under her eyes from where her nightmares kept jolting her awake during the night. Being a Ghostbuster after all had its downfalls, and one of those was constant nightmares. 'I bet you think I hate you...' She thought sadly, washing her toothbrush and wiping her mouth. Each time Holtzmann reached out to Erin, whether it be a text or a Facebook message Erin could never open them or reply. So there was no reply. Erin just couldn't bring herself to do it. Because if she did, if she even said a small 'Hello' to Holtzmann she just couldn't risk saying another goodbye. 

Walking back into the bedroom Erin perched at the end of her bed. Sighing she slowly dressed herself, her eyes often wondering over to her phone and her mind often wondering back to the blonde engineer. She had settled down at work well and had made a few acquaintances there, more than she had at Columbine. She had also befriended a fellow doctor who went by the name of Dana Scully. Dr Scully was there temporarily lecturing future forensic students they had joined at around the same time. Biting her thumb nail she closed her eyes before standing up and walking into the kitchen. It was a small apartment, single double bedroom and the kitchen was tiny but it was enough for just Erin. She hadn't brought much stuff with her to England either so her minimal belongings fitted perfectly. Picking up a glass she turned on the cold tap, letting it run for a few seconds she filled up her glass and drank it quickly. Staring at the clock Erin swiftly washed up her glass, placing it on the draining board she grabbed her bag, stuffed her phone in her pocket and left her apartment locking the door behind her.

The walk to work was always very stimulating. Erin hadn't quite yet gotten completely used to the route and the way things were in England- especially the weather. London wasn't quite as busy as New York but it certainly had more unpredictable terms. One second it would be sunny the next it would be pouring it down, the British people certainly weren't over-exaggerating about their weather. Today however was just very cold, and rather windy. Erin had put on a beanie hat and a long black coat as a preventive term so she wouldn't get cold but the wind seemed to chill right through to her bones this morning. Shivering slightly Erin increased her walking pace, absentmindedly staring at the floor in a trance she only snapped out of it when she collided with someone else, causing her to clumsily trip and fall onto the pavement. "Oh my goodness are you okay?" A familiar voice asked. Erin looked up from her position on the floor to see Dr Scully standing over her. "Oh yeah I'm fine, just a bit of a clutz" Erin replied smiling awkwardly and making a finger gun with her right hand. Dana looked a little puzzled at the woman's action but seemingly shrugged it off, extending a hand out to help Erin get up. Reluctantly she took it, and was hoisted back up to her feet. Erin picked up her phone from the floor and stuffed it back into her pocket before standing upright, towering over the other professor. "You're on your way to work I take it?" Scully asked Erin.  
"Yeah. I walk because it's a lot cheaper and I like the new scenery." Erin explained.   
"It's a lot different from America certainly" Scully agreed smiling at Erin. "Shall we get going?" Dana asked. Erin nodded, and the two women set off towards work. 

The work itself went quickly that day, and Erin sent a quick text to Abby afterwards that read 'Hey hope everything is okay. How is she?'. Erin had agreed to meet Dana for dinner so they could discuss some physics alongside with some of Dana's previous work with autopsies. But she hadn't quite expected to meet her at such a fancy restaurant. But there she was, standing outside a very posh looking white building, with large black letters in a cursive font that read 'The Bleeding Heart'. How fitting. Erin felt rather underdressed for such a high-end restaurant. Her normal work suit and skirt combo felt inadequate, even more so when Scully turned up in a fire hydrant red dress. 'I should be going to places like these with Jillian...' Erin thought biting the inside of her cheek. 'Oh but we made quite a mess babe...' She continued her thoughts trailing off. It was true, the breakup had made such a huge mess of Erin, and from what she could tell Jillian's life too. 'It's probably better off this way...'. Making their way into the restaurant they sat down at a central table for two, and Erin had to admit it was a very romantic place. She had no idea why it was called the Bleeding Heart, surely romance blossomed here. Erin had to confess though, in her dreams (or at least the ones that weren't nightmares) Holtzmann was touching her face, and asking her if she wanted to try again. And Erin almost did. The dinner went by quickly, and by the end Erin was absolutely stuffed (and also £100 poorer). And when it came to saying their goodbyes and partings ways for the night Erin didn't protest when Scully had pulled her in for a kiss. But as the ginger haired woman walked away Erin felt a wave of guilt wash over her. How could she do this, when the woman she really wanted was a world away. Frowning all the way home Erin immediately collapsed into her bed for another sleepless night.


	3. Chapter 3

The next three days was full of agonising guilt for Erin. The kiss with Dana played over and over in her mind, and it was driving her insane. How could she kiss someone else, when her heart belonged back with Holtzmann. She had tried her best to avoid the small ginger doctor at work, often ducking into empty classrooms, or toilets and she even once dived into a janitors cupboard amongst the mops. Of course there was the lunch breaks, where it became increasingly difficult for her to pretend not to see her, or for her to need to look away and head in the opposite direction. And when it all got too much, and she had gotten home after a long day the gangly brunette collapsed onto her sofa and burst into tears. She missed home. She missed New York, she missed her friends and she missed the woman she loved. "She probably doesn't even miss you Erin" she told herself, her head in her hands as tears trickled down her cheeks. It had taken everything Gilbert had to refrain from contacting her. It was so hard to begin with, especially when Holtz would message her almost daily, but gradually the messages decreased until recently when they'd stopped all together. 

"She's obviously met someone else god damn it" Erin shouted knocking some papers off the coffee table in front of her. Wiping one of her eyes she ran her other hand through her hair, resting it at the back of her neck. "Why do you fuck everything up?" She closed her eyes, leaning back into the back of the sofa. She wished she had never left. She wished she could just open up the door right then, and Jill would be standing there with her goofy smile and she would be able to run into her arms, and everything would be okay. 5PM the clock read. Erin needn't do any power points or lectures tonight, not that she felt up to it anyway. The sobbing continued. "How could you be so STUPID Erin. How could you let the one thing that made you the most happy go" she carried on, her fist slamming down on the sofas arm. The thud was dull as was the pain on impact, but Erin did not care. With her breath shaky she picked up her bag, shoved a few essentials in and ran down the stairs to the street outside. Calling a taxi she clambered inside. 

Erin looked at her watch. Her eyes were heavy from lack of sleep and she felt somewhat anxious. Her feet carried her slowly but firmly as she walked down a familiar road. Her watch read 12.30PM, which meant she hadn't slept for roughly 32 hours. But it was nothing she wasn't used to. Biting her lip and hesitating as she came to a familiar apartment building Erin lingered on the street corner for a few minutes. Her heart was racing faster than it had ever raced before, and her throat was as dry as a desert. She could have sworn she was going to have a panic attack any minute now. It wasn't until she heard a faint shout and crash from inside the nearby apartment that she finally sprung into action. Briskly walking up the stairs she knocked on the front door, fighting back the urge to flee from her spot Erin's stomach felt funny. Click, the door unlocked before opening, and a familiar face plastered with utter shock stared up at her.

"I missed you Jill"

She did.


End file.
